"I Turned Myself Into a Machine": How to Make Peace with Control, Masculine Energy, and the Body You Tried to Perfect — with Hannah Lord
Apple Podcasts In this episode, Hannah opens up about the eating disorder she lived with for years — one she says had nothing to do with food or how she looked, and everything to do with control. She walks us through what led to her hospitalization, the body dysmorphia that kept her from seeing the truth in the mirror, and the long, harder-than-expected psychological recovery that followed. We also get into why so many of us are outsourcing our inner lives to AI, why dating and love feel so much harder right now, and what it actually means to rebuild a relationship with your own masculine and feminine energy.
WHAT YOU'LL LEARN
Why Hannah calls anorexia "the most masculine of all disorders" — and what control had to do with it
What body dysmorphia actually distorts, and why she "didn't see herself in the mirror"
The difference between physical recovery and the much harder psychological recovery that followed
Why so many of us reach for AI, dating apps, and checklists instead of doing the deeper work of really knowing ourselves
How to rebuild a healthy relationship between your masculine and feminine energy, without swinging all the way to either extreme
⚠️ This episode discusses eating disorders and hospitalization. Please take care while listening.
US — National Alliance for Eating Disorders Helpline: 1-866-662-1235 (Mon–Fri, 9am–7pm ET)
UK — Beat: 0808 801 0677
Hannah, thank you for trusting us with something so many people carry in silence. Today we talked about turning to AI instead of real connection, about why love feels so hard to trust right now, and about the years you spent turning yourself into "a machine" before finding your way back to yourself.
If this episode resonated, drop a comment and let us know what stayed with you. And if you or someone you love is struggling, please know you are not alone — a support resource is linked below.
Make sure you're following Hannah, and don't forget to follow and subscribe to The Brave Table so we can keep gathering in these brave, honest conversations.
Until next time, don't forget to be just a little bit more brave.
🔗 Connect with Hannah Lord
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hannahlord_psych
Website: https://www.hannah-lord.co.uk/
Substack (It's Not What You Think): https://itsnotwhatyouthink.substack.com/
☕ This Episode Is Brought To You By
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